Tag Archives: Whimsy

The Haircut (by Russ Crabtree)

There once was a maiden so fair

Who cut all her families hair,

Collected all up in a great big bin

Threw it all over the garden in Spring,

Sat down in the chair for a rest

To watch the birds pick it up for their nest,

But the maiden got angry began to shout

The birds made a mess on her washing she’d just pegged out,

It was dire

all over my best white shirt I wear in the choir,

Them birds can be a pest,

I’ve let them use my hair for their nest.

Editorial footnote:

Russell “Russ” Crabtree is a part of Writers Assemble -the local community group project run by Destiny Poets as part of our wider community involvement and outreach.

For more info, checkout the facebook page for Writers Assemble.

A Tale of Two French Mathematicians

( Mechain et Delambre )


Under the aegis of science as deity

they sought to create

a new church and laity,

replacing local customary

ancient measures and weights

they did away with clocks

calendars and all of the dates;

Mechain et Delambre

set out on their stroll

to measure the distance

from Equator to Pole:

one ten-millionth

of the length of the Meridian

was supposed to establish

the Metre as quotidian:

1792 Revolution in the air

beset the journeys

of this empirical pair,

on their quest for

the measure of all things

so as to make uniform

the length of all strings.


Dolphins don’t recite poetry

Pandas never discuss Kant ,

Seagulls are rarely eloquent

and Hyenas do nothing but rant ;

Orangutans like listening to Brahms

Piranhas enjoy Winter sports ,

Mountain Lions are socially maladroit

and Kangaroos never wear shorts ;

Chipmunks are big fans of Sinatra

Rhinos look good in Wellington boots ,

Basking Sharks frequent public libraries

and Gazelles favour three-piece suits .

The Talking Machine

The Talking Machine woke me

the Talking Machine spoke ,

I tried to listen

but couldn’t understand ,

so the Talking Machine spoke louder ;

” Those things at the end of your arms ,

I have need of your hands ” ,

Then the Talking Machine issued its directives ;

so that I might clean it , polish it ,

refurbish , strengthen and enhance it ;

The Talking Machine asked if I had

any further questions and if I had fully

understood what it required of me ;

Then the thought occurred late in my head ,

I went to the socket ,pulled the plug

and returned to bed .