Tag Archives: social satire

Fog & The Duke

Fog & The Duke

Seated imperiously at the breakfast table
the Duc de Charlatan gazed disconcertingly toward the window,

“What is it doing here?” he enquired of his servant,
who following his Excellency’s gaze gave a meek shrug of his shoulder,
“The fog,idiot,the fog!” and in that vein continued;”Go and fetch the Mayor to me this instance,I will not stand for this a moment longer!”

Thus commanded his servant set off to fulfill his Excellency’s peremptory order.

Upon arrival having exchanged such pleasantries as protocol required,the Mayor gave the appearance of listening attentively;
The Duc de Charlatan made plain his displeasure gesticulating toward the window,”What are you going to do about it?”

As the Mayor stood there non-plussed,his Excellency took it as a signal to expound his learned thesis;
“I have a most pressing appointment with my Tailor this very morning for a preliminary fitting of an ermine coat;how on earth is my coachman supposed to navigate punctually through the town in this miasma?”

Whereupon the Mayor self-effacingly enquired as to what he was supposed to do.
Being somewhat acquainted with the most learned works of the nation’s foremost Natural Philosopher,Doctor Cretine,
His Excellency spoke of the fog being an outward physical manifestation of the evil spiritual miasma generated by political rabble-rousers spreading their seditionist poison abroad in taverns and by selling scandalous broadsheets across town.

To which the Mayor stoically reiterated his earlier query.
Glaring malevolently,the Duc de Charlatan declared, ” Find and arrest the miscreants responsible for creating this inconvenience in the first place”.

And as the Mayor took stock of the proposal,his Excellency remarked,
“Well,why are you still stood around here for ,be on your on way fellow!”
“Yes indeed your excellency,” replied the harried Mayor ,” but I’m just waiting for the fog to clear first..”

Another Tale From The Nursery

In the valley of the idiots where a half-wit was King, it was ordered that:-

the use of the letter “E” will be made illegal from to-day onwards,

an official spokesman said that

the letter “E” was identified as the main cause for the exponential growth of words in the language;

and has in the past been responsible for numerous mis-spellings and confusion surrounding its usage in words also containing the letter “i”.

The order takes into account the expert advice of independent literary academics and is seen as a necessary step toward making the language leaner and fitter for purpose;

Again following expert guidance, words of 6 or more letters will no longer be permitted in public discourse but there will be no additional restrictions on their use in conversations held in a single household or with neighbours.

Police have been granted special enforcement powers to issue a 10000 pounds fine on those caught flouting the new rules on word length and use of the “E”.

A & E

Accident & Emergency

They’re waiting for you ,
they’re waiting for you to die ,
but not on their shift ;
They don’t fancy doing the paperwork
that you dying on their shift entails ;
They have tests to run ,
degrees to measure ,
percentages to ascertain ;
First you must be disempowered ,
brought under their stewardship ,
critical reasoning has to be set aside ,
so that you can be
assigned ,consigned ,designed
to fit in with their industrial logic ;
They’re waiting for you ,
to consent to your incarceration ,
so that they can transform you
into one of their votive offerings ,
on one of their altars dedicated
to their idols of weakness and incapacity ;
Should you feel strongly enough
the urge to discharge yourself ,
and you go ahead and do just that ,
They’ll still be waiting for you ,
waiting for you…..


Ding ,dong

ding ,dong

all the bells are ringing ,

la – la – la

la – la – la

all the choirs are singing ,

about hope ,joy and love

coming from heaven above ,

with the candlelights burning

mankind’s ageless yearning ,

lifting all the gloom

in that tiny tiny room ,


Electing Jeremy

Hope comes in small packages

delivered either very early in the

morning or very late at night ,

so that it’s only during daytime

that we actually get to see

just what was delivered whilst we were asleep ;

With the sun streaming down

our eyes begin to open ,

we look and we stare

and we wonder where

hope has been delivered ;

then it dawns on us ,

it’s right in front of us ,

in a small unassuming package.

Hard Times of Old England

Half of England is waiting on a phone call
to let them know that there’s room at the trough ,
the voice of their Masters telling them
knees are for bending and caps are to doff.

Half of England is waiting to go to work
and be allowed their share of the swill ,
the voice of their Masters telling them
they’ve accepted those terms of their own free will .

Half of England is still waiting on a phone call
to be told where and when to go ,
the voice of their Masters telling them
England is on the road to recovery you know .

Half of England is ingratiatingly grateful for work
though few know the reason why ,
working conditions look all too familiar
like scenes from , ” The Bridge on the River Kwai “.


I waited years for their answer
which they gave me as I was about to leave ,
they said it wasn’t what I knew
but what I’d chosen to believe ;

I told them their revelation was less than startling
and didn’t come as any big surprise ,
their reasons left much to be desired
as they thumbed thro’ a pack of worn out lies ;

They handed me the charge sheet
and told me I had to serve my time ,
they didn’t offer proof or evidence of wrong-doing
but insisted I was guilty of a crime ;

So I said farewell to my liberty
giving vent to Saxon oaths ,
as the new Emperors crowned themselves
they were still without any clothes .

A Child’s Fairy Tale

All animals are equal

but some animals are

more equal than others ;


all join in the family fun

getting ready for slaughter in the midday sun ;

Piggy piggy trough trough

snout snout snout ,

lives in the mire

no-one gets out ;

Eat eat eat belch belch belch

snuffle snuffle snuffle ,

silly little piggies never found the truffle ;

The Sun sets and all hope smothers ,

for Fathers,Sisters,Mothers,Brothers,

who without knowing lived for the profit of others.

Politics of Austerity

Our three great Parliamentiary parties

the incompetent , the stupid and the greedy ,

concur that joblessness and poverty

are solely the fault of the needy ;

Government departments with their indifference

misinformation and bureaucratic sloth ,

have decreed that the poor and jobless

can no longer afford to be both ;

Budget cuts here there and everywhere

cuts to top rate taxes amongst others ,

lead us down Wall Street again

to the door of Lehman Brothers .

( Footnote :See also the recent similarly themed poems , “Welfare dependency” and “Economic Crisis” )