A stark nude vesper, a rarity,
Neither stars, nor moon, nor clouds,
Just as endless, dark stark naked night.
Still everything seemed right…so very right.
The stretch of your dark limbs,
Open waves of my long hair.
In ensuing darkness we heard the heartbeats
And just touched each other with a stare.
Not much was left to think and say…
As the lips were sealed with fervor beyond care.
The tingling tips, the fused molten limbs
Shivers of delight, and moans of passion
Short-lived breaths and unending sensation.
Everything so perfect, but just a scream…
Not wanting it to end as an unfinished dream
I clenched his hair in my fist,
His fingers entwined with mine,
Still holding my bleeding wrist..
A tremor erupted somewhere
Moving them to a rapturous delight
The peak of passion was indeed
Worth all the years of lonely plight.
” A stark view ” leads the reader’s expectations along an intriguing path of psychologic introspection only for the poem itself to stumble somewhat at the end with a disappointing conclusion. It is widely acknowledged that the , ” it was all a dream ” ending to any work of fiction , story or poem , is the weakest .
thanks for advise i will change the end
A pliant dream as it thuds the molten moments!
a big thanks for reading:-)
The revision undertaken is both professionally commendable and aesthetically pleasing.To undertake the necessary editorial surgery on one’s own work is evidence that here beats the heart of a poet !
credit goes to u sir for recommending the improvement reqd
A delightful read. I liked a lot.