Click.. Chittorgarh, Rajasthan, India
Everything seems to revolve round you,
Yet I’m so oblivious about your presence.
Even after travelling miles,
I seem to distance myself from you.
But, you are generous enough never to complain.
The beauty of your absence,
the subtlety of your presence.
Like a flowing river you shower your affection.
Not a day passes by,
when I give myself to the affectation of the world.
At the end I’m startled like a child whose toy is stolen.
After all daring attempts to be happy,
I read out my sufferings to you.
You gather a few breathes,
And shower your love unto me.
Alas, it’s only you who envelopes me,
with care and affection.
An engaging and evocative work.
( Editorial Footnote for the benefit of the author:- )
Whilst enjoying a good piece of work, the reader is nevertheless distracted by the poem’s appearance on the page with its overly long line lengths most of which are clearly conjoined single lines.
Thank you Sir for the continued support and appreciation.
An interesting take on relationships; simple, direct and candid.
Thank you Vijay for the appreciation and Iam happy that you loved the poem. It is true that when I started writing the poem it was about my relationship with my loved ones but, then it transpired to a spiritual level. The joy of writing poetry!!!
Sir, as I understand your suggestion I need to keep the lines short?
Indeed.Any cursory reading of poetry will show you this. Generally six or seven words at most per line is more than sufficient,the reader is expecting lines of poetry not unbroken creative writing.
Thank-you Sir for the guidelines. I have edited the poem. Hope it reads better than it did before.
Lovely poem with genuine spontaneous flow of emotions
Hi Vatsala, thank-you so much. I am extremely happy and honoured that you love the poem.