( A collaborative story poem jointly composed by Nutan Sarawagi and K.Radhakrishnan )


I was born amidst the heap of money,
It was stuffed in our house in nooks and corners any,
People came with suitcases full of currency,
My dad accepted those bribes merrily.

Thus I was born with a silver spoon in mouth,
Loved by my parents, nothing was in drouth,
I was decked in gold when I was a year old,
I had so much I could not even hold.

When I was three, I got a tricycle,
On reaching seven it was replaced by bicycle,
When I was in High school, I got a shining bike,
I rode it all places wherever I did like.

When I entered college, I got brand new Audi,
To fulfill my wishes, my parents were ever ready,
But all those glitter of pelf didn’t spoil me,
I remained a good boy and money didn’t make me crappy.

I excelled in studies and passed with merits,
Though untold wealth I would inherit,
Left my city to join a lucrative job assignment,
There my dad bought me a luxurious apartment.

This story is so boring, you may complain,
All goes well and there is no twist or turn,
This is so bland and there is no thrill or fun,
But have patience, the story has just begun,

A job offer came from France,
That’s a dream job, in elation I did dance,
Indeed it was a great chance,
To garner fame, money and romance.

I accepted the offer with glee,
They wanted our family’s medical history,
I returned to Bhopal to get the papers happily,
Here begins my tale of stormy sea,

There were three bundles of papers,
All neatly tied in colored cloth wrappers,
The red one contained documents of property,
The green bundle had dad’s business papers put properly,

The white bundle had family’s medical papers,
X’rays, sonographies all in yellow wrappers,
Two such envelopes caught my attention,
Here my so far happy life took a turn’

Both envelopes had sonography reports,
Reading the contents inside tore my heart,
Written in code words I could decipher,
My eyes rained tears like a geyser.

Marked with F 00.45 and F 00.40, obviously the age,
The years were marked 1965 and 1967 in those pages,
To top it all the words “U SPENT”
Meaning the uterus has been cleared with intent.

The revelation had thrown me off the gears,
The foetus of my two sisters were killed in those years,
Those naked facts pierced me like thousand spears,
Oh!! my soul was cut in to pieces by shears.

How can my parents murder my two elder sisters?
The very thought gave me blisters,
Oh!! How can they resort to female foeticide!!
For want of a male child, they did my two sisters homicide!!


On their deathbed
they built for me this whole empire I was their vampire
in their blood drinking in my own desires
For want of a son
they killed my two loving sisters
In whose love I would have grown
in their legacy to live
to love and be nurtured

But this was the cruel truth of life
A blow dealt which such strife
My whole world destroyed
In front of my eyes
In my pyre
I could see myself burning alive
As they cried dear brother
we love you with our life
In you we live to see our own life

That day my life died

My whole life denied
Burnt to cinders
before my eyes

I couldn’t lift myself
For days
I struggled with myself
Finding answers
to questions
that had no meaning left
I lay wondering
Had I been them
My fate
would I have been
in the blood
of their fate
Life had left me
with no recourse
Broken I lay
Locked within
Breaking in

What a day
it stole my thunder …my life laments 😢
my parents blunder
How could they
kill my two sisters
For want of a son
My life surrender
on their bodies
their wealth
to plunder

It was they
who deserved
to be its heirs
Not me

I was made to lie
on their lair
Burnt in fun fare
The fire
which took them
Without a care
A life to live
gone in despair
Murdered in their foetus
Waiting to be born
In smiles
my two dear sisters
to hold me
in their arms
But fate took a turn
In them to never return

Killed in the womb

What was their worth
To build for me
a hearth
On their very earth

My whole life shook
the earth pulled
Beneath my feet
It hurt
‘Why were my parents
so keen
to have ME
unmindful of them
Distressed I lay thinking
Why wasn’t it me
Because they were just girls
Because I was their BOY
They worshipped me
in their death
to be born against me
sired in their love
A love that was
NOT meant
for them
but me

My whole world stopped
I hated to be
The cause of their death
Their curse in me
This thought plagued me
Day and night
I just couldn’t resolve within me
The more I thought the more it drew me
Into an abyss fallen in the dungeon built around me
A hollow sound ringing within me
My whole world
A sham
it lay
in shambles


I was blown away and stuck in a dumb daze,
Thinking how could my parents stoop so low in wicked ways,
Terminated foetuses continued to haunt me day and night,
Endless suffering of my soul from life long spite.

Thoughts of my sisters brought bottomless sorrows,
Wishing not to remain alive to see next morrow,
What worthy life have I built to live!!!
Oh, my beloved sisters, my parents cruelty, please forgive.

I was in a state of deep depression,
The thoughts haunt to kill my brain,
Oh, why I had this life at my sisters cost?
Without them in my life, my life is better lost.

I encountered my parents with evidence,
Soul so dead, they didn’t gave the matter much relevance,
They were silent averting their eyes,
I could see not trace of guilt in their eyes.


She was always there away from me
my sisters in me to be
for they’re my love
I was not their me
in me to be with them
my me

everyday I thought of them to be that life with me , with them in me
but were THEY
this thought took me away from me
as I ridiculed me in thoughts which grew
each day more perverse in me

Why did my parents kill them for me
why wasn’t I enough
why were THEY not ME
what if I was them
would they have killed me

this thought plagued me
until I couldn’t see the life
that lay in front of me
too bare for me to see kill me
until I couldn’t rest anymore
away from my parents
I left the shore
to France
I went to forget my own
to live a life no more
my own not mine anymore
but my past would invade me
just wouldn’t go ..
off me …
I turned to life
unable to trust
why life had not
favoured me …killed me for them
to savour me …leave me without them disable me …unable me

Their thought lived in me day and night …
a thought that held me so tight …
in its plight till I could live no more ..no more to slight ..my right


From Paris I returned to my hometown,
Still in miseries I couldn’t help but drown,
(Married a Hindi speaking French girl
With her to bear two kids )
My wife and kids tried to cheer me up,
But nothing could lift me from gloom and grief.

My kids suggested to celebrate the birthday,
Of my sisters who could not see the light of the day,
We had birthday bash with cake and candles,
Some temporary relief for my life in shambles.

On returning home I paid homage to my sisters,
With folded hands and kneeling down before their pictures,
I garlanded their under developed structures,
Have a glimpse at their pictures.


Every year this was a ritual we performed
Lifting me from my gloomy spirits
In their love to fill my every want
As they grew closer to me
To feel them finally living in me
a part of me
My life now felt complete
In their love my love to seek
my love in me to keep
A life which felt my own
with them never to be alone forever own

For finally
we had come

Copyright- Nutan Sarawagi and K.Radhakrishnan

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3 thoughts on “Two Dead- Foeticide

  1. Louis Kasatkin

    This is a tremendously powerful and evocative work. It is a veritable jeremiad and an elegy and so much more besides.

    Footnote :-
    The unsuspecting reader will find that they’ll need to re-visit this work as one reading alone will not adequately suffice.


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