“To be or not to be: that is the question”

On and off despair drives me to sudden doubts,

To be or not to be compliant in demanding situations, bringing bouts

Of uncertainty, in my otherwise peaceful life,

Making it burdensome instead of a blissful life,

Bringing unnecessary strife.

.

A few people think they can give me their load of work,

Either for translations of their poetic work,

Or writing their articles thinking I am a free 24/7 rover,

Others ask for financial help when I am a pensioner,

But when it comes to their turn to give help, they don’t bother.

.

Streaks of moodiness takes over,

Satanic thoughts begin to hover

In MY Garden of Eden, affecting my peaceful haven.

Spring’s gaiety then seems to be a thing forbidden.

But I go forward helping, keeping my frustrations hidden.  

.

What makes me cheerful, is hampered

And unexpected swings of mood flustered.

My days become stormy,

With confusion and irascibility,

The more so when I hear about not taking responsibility.

.

To be or not to be at anybody’s beck and call politely,

Hovers over my mind like clouds, overcast heavily.

It worsens when accused of imbecility,

Augmenting with people’s ingratitude and incivility  

Making me indecisive to face the harsh reality.

.

©Pushmaotee Subrun

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About Pushmaotee Subrun

Pushmaotee Fowdur Subrun was born in 1949 in Mauritius. She pursued higher studies in Delhi University where she graduated in English. For the past forty-four years she has worked in secondary schools, seven years of which she spent in Masvingo, Zimbabwe, teaching English in an army school. She completed her PGCE at the Mauritius Institute of Education in 1993. After her retirement, she was a member of the Council of the University of Mauritius for three years. She is currently a reader and editor in the Ministry of Arts and Culture. She has written one novel, one play and Short Stories and Fables. Her poems have featured in Setu Magazine, ‘Poetry and Creativity’ and in Atunis Poetry.

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