Tag Archives: humour

Fog & The Duke

Fog & The Duke

Seated imperiously at the breakfast table
the Duc de Charlatan gazed disconcertingly toward the window,

“What is it doing here?” he enquired of his servant,
who following his Excellency’s gaze gave a meek shrug of his shoulder,
“The fog,idiot,the fog!” and in that vein continued;”Go and fetch the Mayor to me this instance,I will not stand for this a moment longer!”

Thus commanded his servant set off to fulfill his Excellency’s peremptory order.

Upon arrival having exchanged such pleasantries as protocol required,the Mayor gave the appearance of listening attentively;
The Duc de Charlatan made plain his displeasure gesticulating toward the window,”What are you going to do about it?”

As the Mayor stood there non-plussed,his Excellency took it as a signal to expound his learned thesis;
“I have a most pressing appointment with my Tailor this very morning for a preliminary fitting of an ermine coat;how on earth is my coachman supposed to navigate punctually through the town in this miasma?”

Whereupon the Mayor self-effacingly enquired as to what he was supposed to do.
Being somewhat acquainted with the most learned works of the nation’s foremost Natural Philosopher,Doctor Cretine,
His Excellency spoke of the fog being an outward physical manifestation of the evil spiritual miasma generated by political rabble-rousers spreading their seditionist poison abroad in taverns and by selling scandalous broadsheets across town.

To which the Mayor stoically reiterated his earlier query.
Glaring malevolently,the Duc de Charlatan declared, ” Find and arrest the miscreants responsible for creating this inconvenience in the first place”.

And as the Mayor took stock of the proposal,his Excellency remarked,
“Well,why are you still stood around here for ,be on your on way fellow!”
“Yes indeed your excellency,” replied the harried Mayor ,” but I’m just waiting for the fog to clear first..”

Corpse & The Duke

The carriage alighted outside

his well-appointed townhouse,

whereupon the elegantly attired

Duc de Charlatan stepped forth

jauntily as the carriage door opened;

Yet within the blink of an eye

his aristocratic frame froze,

as if struck by some sudden palsy,

Awash with incredulity

the Duke’s visage barely managed

to utter the refrain,

” I say,you there fellow! be about

your business or else!”

his carved italianate walking stick

pointing accusingly at the object of his ire,

a person prostrate on the ground,

their frame interjected geometrically

twixt the carriage’s door and the front

door to the Duc de Charlatan’s habitation;

Two footmen were despatched with

immediate haste to confront what

seemed to be layers of still-bound

ragged cloth,

” Be on your way or we shall summon

the Constable!”

The directness of their invective

whilst assuaging his excellency’s ire,

had little effect on the person

remaining prostrate on the footpath;

” Why don’t you move silly fellow ?

before I tread on you!” exclaimed the Duke,

Having ascertained the scene for a while,

the Footmen were prompted,

by conscience perhaps,

to inform his excellency

that the person on the ground

was in fact deceased;

” Such churlish effrontery to persons

of higher standing, incommoding one’s

carefully planned morning!”

extemporised the Duke,

to which a passing neighbour nodded sagely,

as they stepped over the cadaver.

The Haircut (by Russ Crabtree)

There once was a maiden so fair

Who cut all her families hair,

Collected all up in a great big bin

Threw it all over the garden in Spring,

Sat down in the chair for a rest

To watch the birds pick it up for their nest,

But the maiden got angry began to shout

The birds made a mess on her washing she’d just pegged out,

It was dire

all over my best white shirt I wear in the choir,

Them birds can be a pest,

I’ve let them use my hair for their nest.

Editorial footnote:

Russell “Russ” Crabtree is a part of Writers Assemble -the local community group project run by Destiny Poets as part of our wider community involvement and outreach.

For more info, checkout the facebook page for Writers Assemble.

A Pile of Words x2

Of Words A Pile


They say poetry some,

is of  pile words a just,

rhymed not or whether,

general which of in,

jot don’t a give they,

are are they what words but,

shudder ears and reluctant though,

they as might,

night ringing on keeps,

into the poetry on.


A Pile Of Words


Some say that poetry,

is just a pile of words,

whether rhymed or not,

of which in general

they don’t give a jot,

but words are what they are,

and though reluctant ears shudder

as they might,

poetry keeps on ringing

on into the night!



These are the transcripts of Louis Kasatkin’s performance poetry recorded live at Destiny Church,Wakefield at 18:20 GMT,Saturday 13 October 2018 on the occasion of the Church’s 12th. Anniversary Celebrations.You can copy & paste the URL link to the video :-



My Masterpiece for Today

Firstly a dash of hyperbole,

then a smidgen of self-deprecating wit

followed by a dollop of philosophical insight

a portion of of regret,

a suggestion of humour

a few slivers of empathy,

a nod to current events

covered in layers of allegory

leavened with plentiful allusions

drizzled with heartfelt emotion,

then serve

either cold or hot

this masterpiece de jour,

bon appetit!

Wise or Weird

He was acting weird
Running and jumping
In the middle of a road
Rolling down the road
Playing with pebbles
Singing and laughing
Crying and weeping
All simultaneously
I found myself engrossed
In his act of innocence
For all obvious reasons
He was mentally sick
Was he?
No, because what
He did next
Proved he was
More than wise
He came to me
And handed me a note
It read
Do you need someone
In your life?
I am saying this
Because you seemed so cool
It seemed you were
In no hurry
To go home
When everybody else was
If that’s true
You can call me
Because as you could see
I too am in no hurry
To go home
I smiled
And was about
To tear the note
When something stopped me
And I placed it in my wallet