Retake
You agnized
My broken
And unfurled into pieces heart
Could be pretty
For magnanimity
To be stored in
Thus!
You glued it
Appearing
Camouflaged, disguised
In bounties you planted
On the land deserted
Converging,
Configuring, casting it
To be, naturally, puffed
Revived, enlived.
©® Naheed Akhtar
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Destiny Poets
Uniting and celebrating the best "Writers" and "Poetry" from around the world centred out of Destiny Church Wakefield
The words ‘agnized ‘ and ‘ enlived ‘ caught my attention . They are highly unusual and at first sight I thought might be misspelt where “ agonised “ and “ enlivened “ were meant . I was pleasantly surprised to find that both words exist though “agnized” means nothing like “agonised “ , and instead relates to cognition , while “ enlived “ is just an archaic form of “ enlivened “. With no compulsions of rhyme , one wonders why an archaic form had to be used . Anyway , such usage did serve as an attention – catcher . I would have added hyphen marks in the
“unfurled into pieces heart “ and made it into “ unfurled- into- pieces heart “ , at the very least for it to make it easier to understand , though the act of unfurling something , or something unfurling on its own , as for instance a flag or a flower , is not associated with anything breaking or tearing into pieces : again , very unusual usage .
The idea of someone helping to heal a broken heart is of course not unusual but has a charm of its own whenever expressed uniquely by an individual.
I am immensely overwhelmed for having such deep analysis of my simple words. It really shows that I must be very cautious before posting my writings.
My huge thanks to you dear ma’am
An incisive poem delineating the process of healing.
I am greatly humbled and obliged dear sir for your wonderful words on my poem
Thank you , Naheed , for accepting my comment in the right spirit , as indeed it was meant .
The intrinsic value of your thought and expression remains and is appreciable .
An otherwise perfectly acceptable poetic rumination on the affairs of the heart are somewhat overladen with pretentious use of archaic terms. They ineluctably cause the reader to apply the brakes sharply on what, minus the ornamentation,would have served as a pleasant divertissement.
My highest gratitude dear sir for your wonderful words of encouragement and appreciation.