Outside all the camps, the altar’s made of earth

I stand outside

The so called house of god

Looks like a jail

I go inside

None of them in there ever seem to fail or fall

or so they try to tell me and all

Go back outside

buy my son some mango juice and a hotdog

He enjoys it. I’m momentarily happy.

I’m outside all the camps

not a scapegoat or a lamb

Should I pray like the pharisee

or like the publican?

Confused, not, I do not pray, being neither.

I am the chief of sinners

and now get along

only uneasily

with both saints

and sinners

There’s friction in both camps.

I become more and more like my son

who does not fit in anywhere

but is put up with everywhere

I never was a poetaster

I’m a real poet

The result is I have only a few readers

In the same way my life

seems beyond redemption

but is true

Truth doesn’t pay, something else does and I don’t yet know what

The result is, I have only a few real friends

I wonder if I matter, or will after I die

or if it matters if it matters

Outside of all the camps

it is really lonely

and thoughts go through the mind like

clouds in a sky

their significance unknown

Men too know nothing

but cannot stop trying

to know all

and feel proud

at having unravelled a little, a very little

of the reason for the clouds

not knowing it is still not much

Not knowing

it will never be enough

but I and many have to go on ( have gone on) trying

to crack the mysteries of the universe

Why? I do not know

Outside of all the camps

only one thing seems sure

No one else knows too and only god does

if at all god exists and can be said to KNOW

My nephew comes out of the pearly gates

He has a bad knee

I take him home with my son on my scooter

Even sinners do on days of worship one or two good deeds

I wonder if it offsets having lost or never having had

a grip on life

unlike some other human beings I see

whom I say I know

who seem to have –

 

 

 

This entry was posted in Poetry on by .

About terrestrian@gmail.com

Dr A.V. Koshy is presently working as Assistant Professor in Dept. of English, Faculty of Arts and Humanities, Jazan University, Kingdom of Saudi Arabia. He has authored or co-authored seven or eight books of poetry, theory and criticism. He is an editor and anthologist. He is also a distinguished teacher of the English language and literature and a critic, with a Ph.D in modern poetry, specifically Samuel Beckett's poems in English. He was a Pushcart Prize nominee for poetry in 2012 and his book Art of Poetry was selected as Best Reads 2012 by Butterfly and the Bee. He has been editor's pick on Camel Saloon thrice and poet of the month thrice in Destiny Poets UK besides often having his poems appear in the highly selected category. Has other international awards, diplomas and certificates to his credit too.

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