Neither happy,nor sad,nor excited nor mad,
I do not know what I am feeling right now,
May be just waiting for a moment to say “wow”
Or waiting for heart to flutter and ask “how”.
A clean slate with marks of something wiped away,
Is my mind with a throbbing,something waiting to burst.
Thumping heart beats without a rhythm for a change,
And sometimes evil thoughts cloud my mind as rust.
Is it exhaustion?
Or emotional fatigue which I suffer?
Passing day is worse and passing nights is tougher.
My fingers ache to write what passes my eye brow
Why I have to reap these blank pains,what did I sow?
I am a female.
I am the world
and the universe .
God created me
to procreate ,
the coming generations.
And to continue
the race of man kind.
But the man forgot ,
the essence of my being.
I became just an object
of desire and recreation.
You stamped me
as your property,
You forced me with
your lust and ruled.
You forgot the power
of divine goddesses.
You enslaved me
to the entire core.
I cooked,I reared
I smiled with
my tear stained face.
You ogle at me,
you pass dirty remarks.
You put the limits
to my freedom.
I can not go
out after dark.
My chastity is at risk
still ,whether it is
daytime or night.
You overpower me,
just because physically
I may not equally fight.
You forgot the divine soul
that resides in me.
Enough is enough..
I will bear no more.
Whether it is acid attack
or acrid words from you
I will hear no more.
I raise my voice now
I put my feet down.
I refuse to obey any more,
You sick pervert clown.
I have got my self respect,
I have got my dignity to save.
I bore all burdens for ages
Now I will be fearless and brave.
I will win back my freedom
I refuse to be your slave.
It has been ages now
now give me my due.
And you will get all
the respect and love
that you deserve
in exchange and in lieu.
I wish I could love you.
Like I love the beauty of nature,
The serenity of ruins,
The quiet of lonely nights.,
But then you are to me,
The symbol of magnificence and joy
Of coming youth full days.
How can I defile you?
I wish I could kiss you fervently.
Kiss you ,
like the first ray of sun
kisses the morning dew.
Or the light touch
Of the bee on the flower
Before it drank its nectar and flew.
But, you are to me,
The chaste pure thought.
Who doesn’t even know what passion is,
How can I kiss you?
I wish I could touch you,
Like your thoughts touch me
Deep in my heart.
Or like the unseen touch
Between the artist and his favorite art.
But if I touch you,
It would inflame
Going out of control.
So how can I touch you!
But I still love you
Like a dying patient loves his life.
I kiss you with my heart
On your spirit
To take away all your pain
And I touch you,
With my eyes
With my feelings
And I feel like being nurtured
With blessings of the Almighty.
I do not have a polite bone in my body,
Yes, I can be rude,I can be blunt.
I love to put my feelings across as they are.
I even don’t mind stirring hornet’s nest,
I was a silent tornado since I was young
I would go into my shell and make people wonder,
What my silence is protesting against.
They would wreck their wits to make me speak.
Now I am not always so quiet,
i prefer to say where I hurt,what I feel,
Even then, I was unpopular for my silent anger,
Even now I make people squirm with my rebellious zeal.
Do I bother what they think about me?
No, I don’t.
I am what I am.
For anyone I won;t change,I won’t.
Whenever we, the ordinary citizens,
Start breathing in peace,
They devise a plot to create unrest.
They make us fight,
Not allowing us to make a situation light.
In name of religion and caste,
In name of Azaan and fast.
In name of race and gender,
Never they think of subtle issue ,
Which can otherwise prove too tender.
They make us distrust our most trusted ones,
They make us animals and we forget we are humans.
As I shed silent,dry tears,
Watching all of us argue over misunderstood things,
I fear ,will they succeed ,finally in their evil whims?
I am a human too.
I fear the friends’ trust in me,
I am an ordinary human,
With lots of whims and fancies.
They say I am invincible,
Of everything I am capable..
But still I have flaws and moods,
I can not always be sensible.
My temper is very palpable.
So I do get annoyed and shout,
Not always decent like a graceful scout.
I have a flawed personality,
and no where I am near-perfect
Even in my totality.
Do keep me in prayers when I fail,
Do not judge my performance,
On your weighing scale.
Wipe my tears, when ever I cry,
when I do not succeed,
Though I do try,try,try.
Do not let me fall from my place,
In your esteemed heart
Do not forget me at least
till I finally depart.
COME WITH SILENT STEPS,
AND INVADE MY HEART AS IT BELONGS TO YOU,
TELL ME YOU LIVE FOR ME,
MAKE ME SAY YES, I DO,I DO.
THE DREAMS THAT U WOVE FOR ME,
AND ME SEE UNENDING ENDLESS RAINBOWS,
MAKE THEM COLOR MY WORLD MULTI HUED TOO.
I WAIT TO SURRENDER BEFORE THEE,
TAKE ME AS A ROARING STORM WOULD
DRENCH THIRSTY LAND WITH ITS SHOWER,
I STILL DON’T TRUST THE MATTERS OF LOVE,
SO SHOW ME YOUR LOVE AND ITS POWER.
REGAIN MY FAITH,MAKE ME BELIEVE PASSION EXISTS,
AND I WILL THEN GIVE MYSELF TO YOU FOR THIS LIFE
AND BEYOND FOR ALL THE LIVES TO COME,
IF YOU BELIEVE IN ETERNAL BONDS OF COMPANIONSHIP
DO GRANT ME SOME…..
A part of me is dead..you said,
A part of me is dead too
you see I want to tell you.
Can’t two dead people come together,
And become alive once more.
Love is an illusion you feel,
Love is a pain I say,
Can’t we bring to life,two souls in pain,
to create a smiling life .
You negate hopes,
I promote togetherness.
I envisage a day when two aliens
To each other,shall be whole again.
A part of you always lives,
In this cosmos,they say.
May be for a purpose.
Universe with its black holes,
Probably pulsates with these parts
And life breathes on somewhere,far away.
Two negatives join in to become a positive,
Lets try to spread some radiance, once again.,
Till we get eclipse again.
The days of haze and nights of distress,
Hangover used to continue for days,
Of the fog I got seeped in.
But a hand to hold my hands
took hold of me.
wiping away the dust of lethargy,
that had numbed my senses into oblivion.
I heard,”You are needed,don’t lose hope.”
heart refused to budge.
It was happy in this depth of painless and useless existence.
Someone again nudged me.
Shaken out of stupor,I opened my eyes.
The past and the future both were ready to help me out.
I dragged myself to come out of the quicksand of dark ominous thoughts.
Little by little,I am climbing out,
I can see a bright sunny morning awaits me…
I see an apparition coming towards me,
It touches me and we are one.
It merges in me taking control,
Of my mind,body and soul.
I smile but it is a facade,
I party laugh and have loads of fun,
But who knows,it is a charade.
I crave for death,and i want to live,,
Sometimes I just need to be high,
There is nothing left to give.
In dark ,hazy cloud of smoke,
I yearn to forget all.
In the quick sand games of my mind
Am I for forever lost?
*On occasion of World Mental Health Day ,today