Author Archives: Julia Schofield

Be kinder than you need to be everyone is fighting a battle

I see a guy homeless in Leeds, I stop smile ask him if he would like a hot chocolate with cream and marshmallows. He smiles and nods attentively. I say,”fancy a beef burger with cheese n onions?” His smile broadens “yes please”he replied. I ask “Hp or ketchup?” “Ketchup please” “thank you very much “ he added. I pass over his cheese burger and hot steaming drink and notice tears gently falling down his cheek. “Oh what’s up?”, I ask..”nothing you’re just so kind.” “Hey you’re loved “, I say. “Sure you’d feed me if it was the other way around “. We exchanged names. Stuart is his name. I ask how long he’s been homeless, as I sit on the pavement besides him. “3years.”” How did you end up homeless,” I ask. Stuart went on to pour his heart out to me. He said he held a job down for twenty years, one evening, he kissed his wife and headed of out to do a night shift ( little did he know his life was never going to be the same again) whilst he was at work his wife fell down the stairs and ended up in a coma. When Stuart got home the next morning, he struggled to open the front door as her body was behind it. Stuart found his wife dead. He then slipped into depression as life as he knew it was no more. He ended up losing his job, getting behind with the rent consequently ended up with Stuart homeless. As he told me I could see the heartbreak in his eyes and etched in his face. I held back tears as my eyes studied his hands, swollen, dirty, cut, blistered from the elements. Then they glimpsed at his feet, what looks like green puss stuck to his black socks. The smell that came from him was unpleasant to say the least. Stuart shared that he ended up losing custody to social services, his three children. I asked how old are his children now, 18,16,14… as he reminisced about them his eyes glistened and a smile broke out. We chatted for about another ten minutes, Stuart said,”look at the people just walking by, sometimes they look down on me. But they shouldn’t judge. Don’t judge anyone,” he said. He said how he doesn’t smoke, drink or take drugs, just has a 💔 Brocken heart.  Then Stuart shared  how his favourite bit in the Bible is  where it says whoever hasn’t sinned throw the first stone. I said yep we have all sinned. Stuart commented that in life there’s tests and we can easily fail them if we don’t open our eyes and look out for them. I left Stuart a hat, two scarves and a sleeping bag. He was so grateful. Tears streaming we said our goodbyes. We hugged exchanged smiles and I went on my way.
I’m so grateful to have a home, family and friends. I’m blessed beyond measure, my cup runs over. If you pass someone who looks homeless or in need, smile they are just human like you n i. They have feelings. They were probably once like you n I, but life happened and they had a bad break. Let’s be kinder than we need to be as everyone is fighting their own battle.

Footnote:

This is an excerpt from a book I’m currently writing called, ‘By The Grace of God’
It’s about different life situations and people I have felt myself around. I’m hoping it helps people, encourages and changes some people’s life direction, brings hope and points people to Jesus.

Autism

I have feelings even if I don’t show them properly, or the same as you do.
I can kick off but it’s because I’m totally comfortable with you.
I can see you looking at me strangely or back stabbing me as I’m not stupid, even though I don’t act like you.
I want to be accepted just like you.
If you ask me a question I’ll answer you honestly as that’s what I think you want me to do. Then I’ll be surprised if you then don’t talk to me as all I’ve done is answer a question?? Like you asked me to..
I wish you had never asked me.. don’t ask me if you don’t want my opinion.. Then I’m frustrated, I might kick off..I don’t understand you, you say one thing but then do something different I really don’t get you.
I’ll go out of my way to try and help you like.
I can’t read your body language,
I don’t get social ques.
I take what people tell me as truth.
I desperately want to be liked accepted, I want you to get me.
I don’t mean to get on your nerves , I only want to be your mate. I want to be like you.
I get excited, giddy, loud, can totally show myself up. My highs are through the roof, then my lows mean my world crumbles.
Loud doesn’t mean confidence, i just wanna be accepted.
I’ll do anything for anyone, I’m generous, vulnerable, I’m me I like fun. I’m desperate for a friend, even only one.
Someone to accept me.
With a group of people, I feel invisible, I sit alone, no one notices, says a word, I’m dying to get chance to speak. I may not look the same as you but I have feelings, no one likes to be ignored, no one likes to be on there own. Why don’t I fit in? I have feelings, I could stand here and scream what’s wrong with me?? JUST TALK TO ME! I only want to fit in, be accepted for just being me.
I’m me not a label, I’m wonderfully made. Life would be boring if we were all made the same. Please embrace me, take time to speak with me, I’m a good friend, I’m loyal, truthful, funny, clever and I do what I say I’ll do. I’d always be there for you. I’ll accept you for you. I’ll always be there for you to lean on me, rely on me. If only you get to know the me, see past the autism, as trust me I’d be the best friend anyone could be…. 

Footnote:

This is an excerpt from a book I’m currently writing called, ‘By The Grace of God’
It’s about different life situations and people I have felt myself around. I’m hoping it helps people, encourages and changes some people’s life direction, brings hope and points people to Jesus.

Suicide

The reality of life after suicide…
The reliving the last time I saw you, over and over again.
Did I miss a sign?
Could I of said something different?
What could I of done differently? Would you still be here?..
Rereading your txts, our messages…your posts..
Remembering the life we shared.
I know I told you I loved you, but I wish you really knew how much I loved you.
How missed you are.
The hole you have left in my heart, in my life,
The people that you have left behind.
When you go you don’t just disappear..
There’s an aftermath.
A devastation
A gaping hole
A dead body
An end of a blood line.
Dreams die
Relationships over
Children and grandchildren not born or not seen.
All your posession still here.
Triggers that remind people of you.
The mind is a battle ground, the fight is in your mind.
Believe me if you knew what you left behind you wouldn’t of gone.
You are precious,  perfectly made.

You are loved
You are worth the fight
The world would be a better place with you in it.
If you are thinking of ending your life, don’t! Please think again. You can do this, you have a future, you are ment to live, you will get through this. This is a stage in your life that in the future you will look back on and realise it did get better. Greater things are yet to come. It’s not week to ask for help. We all struggle, no one is perfect, no life is perfect. Keep going, tell someone how you feel if only a stranger. Ring or text a help line. Tell a friend, keep going, you are worth the fight. The victory is yours. The bullies will one day not be in your life. They will move on. You will meet someone else, who will love you for you. You are loved, please just keep going… don’t leave people broken  hearted… don’t leave someone to deal with your suicide..it’s a waste of precious life, your precious life, it stops a generation, it’s from the enemy. Believe me no one can take your place or fill your shoes, keep breathing, keep going, one step in front of another. You are worth the fight to live, you are worth life. 

Footnote:

This is an excerpt from a book I’m currently writing called, ‘By The Grace of God’
It’s about different life situations and people I have felt myself around. I’m hoping it helps people, encourages and changes some people’s life direction, brings hope and points people to Jesus.

Drugs

You think you won’t become addicted. You think what harm will a little dabble do? You can taken em or leave em. Harmless fun, only a laugh.
Start smoking cigs, then a bit of weed, then may be try some pills or a bit of coke on a weekend. But your not addicted you can pack in whenever you want. It’s easy it’s only a laugh. You chase the high, but you can pack in, when ever you want, as soon as your ready, just one more high.
Addiction creeps up and suddenly takes holds of you. It snares you and catches you unaware. Gripping you so tight not letting  you go. You really never wanted it to be like this, surely you can kick it, I’ll just give in one more line..The highs not as high so you try the next latest thing. Paranoid, depression, anger, frustration gripping tight. Change in your personality, noticed by loved ones. But it’s not a problem you can change, give up, just one more hit, I can easily go back. Weed,speed,coke, heroin or spice all grab hold of you and steel taking away life. Sickness, shaking, sweating just one more hit then I’ll have this sorted. I’ve got this, it won’t beat me. Just one more hit, I can escape as I am not an addict.. not me I have this sorted.. Chasing  this dragon gets dearer and dearer £50,£60,100,£200 a day, the cost escalates it’s running out of control.
Mental illness grips and has won. Your body is changing dying from the chemicals that fill you.  Spice – the new high, can’t possibly be bad as was a legal high. It grabs you n is 5 times more addictive than heroin, smoke it once and it can claim your mind, killing brain cells, that can never be revived. It eats away your flesh and burns inside your body to out. Acid in your stomach slidifies. Body frozen, like a mannequin. Mind numb. Oh how you wish you hadn’t started that first smoke, first hit, first high. Morals you once had have gone by the wayside. Stealing of loved ones, loving and needing drugs more than your family and children. You’re a long way off from where you started. How did you end up here? It’s ok you got this. Surely you can change, just one more high..
Well the real answer is NO. No one wants to be or plans to be an addict, it suddenly overwhelms you, sneaks up and takes hold of you chains you down, suffocates and leads you to death. Death of the person you once were, death of the dreams you had. Addiction changes you, consumes you. It will steel your life, money, future and your children’s future. It robs generations.

So if you are offered a smoke of a spliff, a small pill, a try of this a bit that Please say No!! pass it by, give it a miss, it’s not worth the risk. Keep clean, it’s an evil that’s waiting to pounce and tie you down, drag your life from you. Alter your looks, age you and steel all that you from you. A real friend would never make or force you to try a drug, new high or a known drug.
Ask yourself what’s in it for them? if I take or try this? Will they benefit financially? Don’t enter the devils play ground. Just say no, it’s not for me, I don’t need that, it’s ok I think I’ll pass…

 I hope reading this stops someone from ruining their life.

Footnote:

This is an excerpt from a book I’m currently writing called, ‘By The Grace of God’
It’s about different life situations and people I have felt myself around. I’m hoping it helps people, encourages and changes some people’s life direction, brings hope and points people to Jesus.

Forgiven

Jesus Christ

Mocked

stripped, flogged

beaten, bleeding

blood pouring through torn ripped skin.

Hammered nails pierced his hands and feet to the cedar tree

crown of thorns crushed His head to mock his claim of authority.

Sponge seeping in vinegar pushed into Jesus mouth.

“It is finished”, His final cry..

crucified, Jesus died until the third day then He rose again.

Saving the world from sin, death in hell

Broke power of the devil and brought forth eternal life.

so you can be set free from sin

Forgiven

your debt paid in full

Free from shame and guilt

Pardoned

Forgiven…

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Hold a grudge or forgive?

Grudge

hold on

get angry spread negative venom through gossip that’s building up inside,

This spills out as you complain toxic words which poison the listener.

Bitterness and rage swiftly grasps your mind. Slanting and changing your perspective.

Rage, anger boil, bubble as you relive the inequities.

Madness burns deep within.

only person who feels this is you not the person who’s hurt you…

Forgive

but you don’t have to forget,

release the debtor of the debt,

free you become free

the chains of anger,rage,madness can’t tie you down

Negativity can’t capture your mind

peace fills your heart,

Your mind is clear.

Joy wraps itself around you.

The choice is yours, hold on to grudge or forgive, you decide….