Author Archives: joker

About joker

Contradictory and confusing as my thoughts, I am a Mechanical engineer working in an interior fit out firm, dreaming of one day making it as a poet and trying to learn card tricks :)

Ballad of Pain

And in blood shall I write
this tale of mine;
All bloody and foul,
nothing divine…

Across miles from where I stand,
all around,
heads, limbs and charred bones
on the ground…
Trees cut and ripped apart-
bloody all..
Me alone, cry and shout
and unheard call;
to nobody, though to all,
help I seek.
Through eyes closed with gushing tears
I try to peek…

Oh! the sight that met my eyes
stops my heart..
And then again, in a sudden rush,
it again start.
Pumping hard, and harder still,
it fills me up.
The pressure in me and the heat,
building up..
And in a rush, all at once,
I blow apart..
Once again I was killed
by my heart…

Lo behold!! there I was
born again..
For seconds few or even less,
I was sane…
I looked upon the bloodied parts
all around..
parts of me, was all I saw,
strewn around…
Cut, torn and left to rot,
I saw myself;
A thousand me or maybe more
beyond help…

Down came, out of the blue
a giant knife
and chopped me down, bit by bit,
and took my life..
I felt the pain burning through
with every blow..
I felt the life drain out of me,
reluctantly slow..

And as the pain was overcome
with calm and peace,
and in death’s welcoming arms,
I felt at ease,
I was jerked back to life-
made whole again;
and thus goes on, my bloody tale-
the ballad of pain…

-joker-

The Boy in the Box

At last, I have my space;
My world for me to build..
Small but large enough,
My kingdom for me to build…
Miles and miles, in an arm’s length;
Untouched, untaunted-
A land of joy and peace,
With a little moor- haunted…
My dreams and hopes,
I shall hide,
In this little space;
The kingdom of a child…

No bills to pay,
No worldly worries..
No fights, no quarrels,
No blind hurries…
In here I shall live
As long as possibly can..
For a day shall come
When I walk out a man…
And then like a mule,
Burdened by all,
I shall move ahead,
Walk, run… fumble till I fall…
Blind I shall walk
In a maze unknown;
As others reap
What I had sown…
I shall watch,
Cold and numb,
As my dreams,
In piles they dump..
I shall love,
Hope and trust,
And then watch them
Trampled in the dust…

I dread that day
When I shall leave,
This little box
Where the real I live…
But for now
I won’t fret,
Coz that day ain’t here;
No… not yet…

I shall build a world
Where not a tear
Shall ever be spilled;
Where only ghosts, I fear…
Here I shall rule,
A world untaunted;
A land of joy and peace
With a little moor haunted…

-joker-

Blessed

Blessed are those
sacred souls,
like the teddy bears
and barbie dolls…

In all shapes
and sizes too,
with a single aim-
nothing new..

Just sit there
or lie or stand..
Loved and cared
in a growing hand..

Nothing to worry;
no joy nor pain..
In this bloody world,
nothing to gain..

Blessed are they-
the heartless few..
Sans broken bits
or worries new..

Blessed are those,
soul less souls..
those teddy bears
and barbie dolls….

change

The fields are not as green,
the river not that clean..
the birds not that gay,
the squirrels have ceased to play…
for good or bad, i never know,
but change for sure, is part of the flow…
change is where the old cease to be
and the new shoot turns to a tree…
who cares, if extinction we face,
if the world gets a better race…
life is now; give it the best,
forget your fears- leave the nest…
fly out there, at least for the view,
you’ve just got, hours few…
and when thy wings shall wither
and thou shall join me hither,
upon the world, we shall look,
as if reading from a book…
and when i say ” I should have..”
smile my dear and say ” I have…”

my heart

I’ll be dead
By the time you see,
There was a heart
Deep in me..
On that day
When the truth you see,
Don’t you cry
Over me…
Tears, I have shed
Enough for you
And a bit
For others too…

You may know
Or may not;
If I had my say,
You better not…
But if you knew
How I cried;
How to smile,
Hard I tried…
How very much,
If ever you knew,
You would be forced
To start anew;
Filled with love,
A new start,
Where you would see,
My little heart…

But why the hell,
Should it be,
That you will love
Just good me???
Nay my dear,
That ain’t it…
The pieces there,
Doesn’t fit…
If reasons you need,
To love me true,
I’m better of
Sans love and you…

-joker-

Lost

In silent sobs,
and tearless cries,
gritting teeth
and frequent sighs..
Thus I sat,
lost in thought..
to hold onto one,
hard, I fought..
For a word at least,
I searched in vain;
The long lost toy-
me, the child again..

My heart I turned
Inside out..
My feelings all
I spread out..
Enough I got,
A valley to fill,
But words,
I found nil..!!

The poet in me,
as if dead;
a shell left out,
to move ahead.
Thus I sat,
Nearing insane..
I felt nothing,
No joy nor pain…

The Walk

Through the wet sand,
I walked on,
the path ahead,
went on and on,
Where to ?
I didn’t know,
but I had to
and I would go on;
I never looked back,
but I knew,
with each step
I left prints new,
in the sand,
milestones..left by me
to be washed away
by the dancing sea.

I treaded on,
never slow or fast,
and the sea behind
wiped my past,
My leg was sore,
I didn’t stop,
‘coz walking on
was my only hope.

My feet were torn
by bottles broken;
Of someone’s rage,
the remaining token,
Or maybe his sins,
hidden away;
A stranger’s sin
for me to pay,
It hurt a lot!
I didn’t stop,
‘coz walking on
was my only hope.

Now the past
was printed in red,
like the tears
I often shed,
But the sea prompt,
washed it away,
And I’m glad
it didn’t stay.

Through the wet sand
I shall walk,
till the last drop
of my blood’s gone,
Till my past,
is no longer red,
Then I would hold,
high my head,
and look back
at my last foot print,
And with pride,
my eyes shall glint.

then and there,
and only then,
I shall close my eyes,
Before the next wave.

-joker-

Poem of Pain

I love this sting,
as I draw red ink,
to write on a cloud,
my cries- silently loud…

This deafening sound,
of my heart’s pound,
when it itself does tear,
I love to hear…

I tear myself,
I bleed myself..
I cherish the pain;
Yeah!! I’m insane…

You’ve seen my smile,
my laughter juvenile..
you’ve seen it all,
but not my fall…

To recall, I don’t dare,
those memories- a nightmare..
Those days bygone,
those days alone…

It was hell,
those nights and days..
I was tortured
in a thousand ways…

The wound still hurts;
like hell it hurts..
on all my days,
even the brightest of days…

To forget them,
I tried in vain..
They just came back,
time and again…

Like the rain,
that hides tears..
Like the rage,
that hides fears…

I too found,
my cover;
my pain to hide-
the perfect cover…

I wrote my pain,
in blood and tears..
I wrote it all;
my pain and fears…

I love this sting,
as I draw red ink,
to write on a cloud,
my cries- silently loud…

-joker-